Well, it’s done.

What is?

I have no idea.

It was supposed to be a short story. I think that’s what it still is, but right now it feels like a gibbering pile of goo.

(excuse me while I put my head down on my keyboard and take a few deep breaths. All better now.)

Confession: I still get nervous at this part. Submitting stories. Even if nervous isn’t the right word, and I’ve spent a lot of time the last few weeks picking apart what is the right word. For everything.

I can’t help it.

There’s just something inside of me that hurts when I let go of a story. Even if it is ready.

Which, frankly, this one is not. It needs at least 3 months of revisions, but the beautiful part is that I have a deadline, so I can’t quibble over details anymore.

Beautiful and ugly, I think I go through the same stages every time I submit a story.

• Avoid (finishing) it until the deadline actually is standing in front of me tapping its foot.
• Make finishing touches.
• Read story in completed form (again).
• Re-read story (again).
• Decide I hate every word I’ve written and love every word I’ve written so I can’t possibly delete anything (and if I read this one more time I will likely scream).
• Submit.
• Wait 3-6 months for results.
• Almost forget about the story.
• Decide it was total garbage and do not expect positive results.
• (Sometimes) get positive results.
  • Squeal like a banshee terrorizing the neighborhood in sheer delight (yup, every time).
  • Instantly begin analyzing what it was I did right and strategizing my next story.
• Repeat from beginning (indefinitely).

Maybe you wonder why I do this.

I like to think of it as an adventure. Sometimes heroes in stories do scary things. Impulsive things. Pigheaded things.

Because they know, good or bad, on the other side of that choice, there’s going to be something interesting. Maybe it’ll be terrible. Maybe it’ll be beautiful. But whatever it is, it will be something. Something worth seeing.

Certainly better than sitting quietly and staying home.

I’m a writer.

So I’m going to go submit a story, all.

Wish me luck!